pattyrikku's Journal
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Monday, May 14, 2007
M <---- restored from draft. Very insightfull lucky i got it back. Anyway let's (let us) see what is happening. Well I got a new girl friend and she broke up with me. So if anyone wondering that's my love life back to square one there. Or possible behind that as I a very emotional person and still kinda down about it. But then hey when am I not kinda down about something so same old there.
Uni well meant to be walking there now but doing my Pol Sci essay instead as it due today. I also had a Phil essay due on Friday that still not done, joy. Oh well. At least lectures (those I actually make it to) are ok.
Had on of the most thrilling games of hockey in my life, it was game to not go into a lower grade and had a goal in the second stage of extra time to win it and involved my team running onto the field and celebrating lot's of fun.
Um what else, meh ask if you wanna know anything else. Well that's me done here must get back to essay. Will hopefully update here again sooner than in serveral months time but who knows.
Here some pictures of people I haven't seen at ages for your viewing pleasures. I read one of my old post before, man was obsessed with Amanda.
Decided to put that in there as I saw it on my computer and thought it was a nice picture. STOP I wanna go home take off this uniform and leave the show. But I'm waiting in this show becaue I have to know have, have to know, have I been gulty all this time.
Current music: Nothing, I know it worrying
Friday, February 2, 2007
Thought I should update as I haven't in a while and thought I should. Well first of all hi emma if you here. Yip Emma round that good. England actually doing well in a cricket it very thriling , New Zealand playing Aus on Sunday that should be good looking forward to it. Super 14 started as well Blues Crusaders now, hope they both do badly and then we play tommorrow should be fun. Ohhh first try Isia got it very nice like him. So exciting lots of sports :). Well anyway just thought I'ld say hi to everyone. Might update again in a bit.
Friday, December 22, 2006
THE RULES
Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about themselves. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!
1. I do actualy get tired just because I have bad sleeping habits doesn't mean I never get tired.
2. I have pretty much at anyone time at least one girl who I really like and would love to go out with it changes more than is probably healthy.
3. I believe I may not be mentally stable.
4. I'm very feminine and like skipping blowing bubbles and a whole host of things that guys ussually dont like.
5. People keep bringing me to gay bars.
6. I wasn't playing around on Wednesday night no matter what anyone says, I was not in a good way.
7. When I hear "comfortable numb" I wana try Heroin because I dont know it sounds peaceful and I like the idea of be
8. I thought about how to finish off 7 for a while but couldn't so decided to leave it as it is
9. I will do anything if the right girl asks me
10. I'm very insecure and am constantly looking for to prove myself, to myself or assess how people feel about me
Current music: PIL - Poptones
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I tried to commit suicide tonight. I was in town and tried to cut my wrist with badges I also lost one. Ohh and I also lost my phone. Yeah so attempted suicide and lost my phone, What a night. Ok so attempted suicde, lost my phone, told girl i like that i like her... several times, got kicked out of clubs and generally made a fall of myself. Wonderful. I might go continue on the suiceide thing with a proper razor.
Current music: Firefly - The Message.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Um just though I'ld say hi. Still not dead, yip i alive. Um got back from some camp. Felling less emo then last time. Say hi if you see this.
Current music: tv - Angel
Thursday, November 23, 2006
What is the point of anything? Why Bother?
Current mood: Guese it not hard Current music: Fireworks - Siouxie and The Banshees
Monday, October 30, 2006
10:13AM
I figured out some more things tonight. One I only have really one person I can talk to everyone else is either distant or to rapped up in their own depression to even care or just I don't know. Anyway their only one person who I really feel comfortable talking to about stuff and she rather elusive right now. It was something that someone said to me that made me realise this I was like I should txt someone and tell them bout this so yeah I could think of no one except her and she sent it brilliant.
Also I realised that Mei's not a bitch and cares. Even if she doesn’t want to admit. I wasn't planning ahead a conversation when I realised she wasn't, does this seem slightly insane to anyone? It seems that way to me, but then I writing it and reading One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest so good I highly recommend it.
Oh and if anyone wondering I kinda Ok, I don't feel like killing myself anyway, that partly for me in case anyone wondering. Well bye Adieu Adieu remember me.
"Then gay youth was mine
The truth was mine
Sad am I
Glad am I
For today I'm dreaming of
Of yesterdays"
Yesterday performed by Freddie Wadling
Current music: Freddie Wadling - Yesterday
I was reflecting on the words of Pete Shelley of the Buzzcocks that being "ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?" and I realised I had at least twice. Im sure you can think of them anyway yeah just thinking of that. Also people are dicks.
Current music: Jefferson Airplane - Somebody to love
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Won't you miss me, wouldn't you miss me at all?
Current music: Syd Barrett - Dark Globe
Sunday, October 8, 2006
7:23AM
Well went to party on Friday got slightly drunk and walked home it was fun. Then went to Beadz party and got very drunk. It was odd I drank spirit at Dan's and was fine yet at Beadz I drank a bottle of wine and was utterly wasted. Honestly I couldn't walk in a straight line I was stumbling all over the place I told people I had crushs on them at one stage apologized to people for being drunk and other things. So got really drunk and everyone left without me noticing so I got up and walked out of the room i was in and noticed hardly anyone was there. So told them I was catching a train and walking home Adam told me I wasn't that was stupid and I was going to his place, God Bless him. That was very nice we went to BK it was fun T was there it was great Adam's was great his sister were there they looked like 6th ot 7th form but were only 4th form anyone noticed how all girls look older then they are hardly any of them look like 13 they all look at least 16 or 17 right we sleeped in. It was great well done.
Current mood: funnied Current music: Bill Bailey - Some Song bout Love depression and betrayal
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Well for like the first time i can think of (does that even make sense) someone has seen through one of my defectings of a question. It was my fault really. If you gonna deflect a question you souldn't stay on the topic or they might notice you didn't awnser the question. Well anyway i tried to deflect the questionj of did i awnser the question let's see if it works.
Current mood: fineish Current music: Cortex - You Just Can't Kill the Boogeyman
Thursday, September 21, 2006
10:28PM
I cant talk bout it so it no good asking me to because I'm not going to. Well I'm gonna try and explain this without explaining what it about that'll be pointless. Does anyone still read this?
Current mood: down Current music: nothing
Friday, September 15, 2006
For me: Shine on You Crazy Diamond
Remember when you were young, you
shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now
there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the
sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on
the crossfire of childhood and stardom, blown on the steel
breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter, come on
you stranger, you legend, you martyr,
and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the
moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by
shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you
crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random
precision, rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you
seer of visions, come on you painter, you piper, you
prisoner,
and shine!
Nobody knows where you are,
how near or how far.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pile
on many more layers and I'll be joining you there.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
And we'll bask in the
shadow of yesterday's triumph, and sail on the steel
breeze.
Come on you boy child, you winner and loser, come
on you miner for truth and delusion,
and shine!
For You :How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
For both of us: And now this is the day you fall
Upon my waking eyes
Inviting and inciting me to rise
And through the window in the wall
Comes streamin in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning
And no one sings me lullabies
And no one makes me close my eyes
So I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky.
Just playing around there I was bored so though I'ld stick these in they although Shine on you crazy diamond is a little out of place, represent what I say they do but they primarily for fun. So yeah don't look to much into the top one.
I would LJ cut this but I don't know how, so sorry all. I put down Shine on you crazy diamond for music as that inspired it, but I think it ended when I was getting lyrics but it'll be the music for it. Have fun.
Current mood: Don't know strangely Current music: Pink Floyd - Shine on you crazy diamond
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Just because I listened to it and thought of you.
How I wish how I wish you were here we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year, running over the same old ground and what have we found the same old fears wish you were here.
I swear this obsession is gonna kill me or at least screw me up... actually it has already oh well whatever.
Current mood: it should be easy to guese Current music: Comfrotable numb (pulse) - Pink Floyd
Monday, September 11, 2006
Yay I'm pretty sure that I just did my last serious internal meaning no more sleepless nights. I should be over joyed. Hopefully I will be in a day or two.
Current mood:  depressed Current music: Pink Floyd - Comfortable Numb
Saturday, September 9, 2006
Right so Ball I’m gonna try make this short meaning it gonna be huge because this post covers almost 12 hours most of which had stuff happening in them. I will start by staying it was a great night so good in fact that i'm gonna be depressed all weekend because it so bad in comparison.
Right so I guess it starts at about 3 when I left school no wait stop it started yesterday no wait Thursday which was yesterday on Friday. So I DP and Fra went to town to pay for the hotel room we had booked at the Museum Hotel. So we went in their with $200 cash courtesy of DP's bank account. So we were paying for the hotel and in the proceedings I mentioned the ball which was a mistake turns out they have a no ball policy. So on that grounds they cancelled our reservation. So we wandered town for an hour or so looking for a hotel we didn't find 1 that had rooms free or excepted student ID stupid arrogant pricks. I mean honestly why do they even need ID anyways we also picked up my oh so scux suit. So I was gonna go home when who should I see but my old friend Alexander and his girl friend who is really cool. Now not only have I known Alex for ages but he is 20 so I said hi and explained my sorry situation. Now Alex and his girlfriend being the good mate and fooly awesome people they/he is/are they agreed to help me out so Alex went and booked a room in the Museum Hotel for me which was great. However it made one small problem the room was in the name of Alexander Abernathy male 20 meaning we needed him to get the key. So therefore I was gonna pick him up from his friends so he could get the key for us when I went to the hotel.
So now 3 when I left school on Friday me Fra and DP (clearly my eternal companions currently) went to the florist to get our corsages it was packed with people also getting corsages. So I went looking for shoe laces as my dad's dress shoes that I was using had no shoe laces, I didn't get any however I did end up getting signed up to Green Peace, I don't know how that happened. Well anyway I caught bus to Newtown and walked from there home. Once I got home I got the laptop and started playing music in winamp and carrying it around under my arm so I had music and started getting ready. Well I got into my suit and damn I gotta say I look good in a suit I mean usually I don't think I look that great but I like Patrick in a suit I wanna do a mod theme gig that would be kick ass I got the coolest red tie it all shiny so cool it my new tie I love it.
Right so now I was ready to go now the deal was Joseph was giving me a ride he was also god bless his soul buying me a bottle of champagne so we could all but champagne and be all classy, mint as. Also Jenna who is Amanda's friend and who was going to ball with David was gonna be at Amanda's. So the whole Jenna and David Pitt (DP) was like when I asked Amanda to come with me she was going out with her friend Jenna so she must have told her she was going and Jenna wanted to go too. So Amanda texted me and asked if there was anyone I knew who needed a partner and I said yeah David don't have one and thus the DP and Jenna union was created. So anyway the idea was that Amanda would be ready at 6ish and I would come round at around 6:15 to pick her and Amanda up she was also gonna text me when she ready. So at around 10 to maybe me and Joseph left first of all we went and brought champagne. Before we left Dom took masses of photos on his phone as Mum and Dad got digital.
Joseph also offered to buy me a cigar but I declined. So we went to kilbirnie to find Amanda's house we knew the address and I had been their once last year, so the way it went was we driving straight down this street and it worked so and we found it. Well anyway at this stage everyone at my table had texted me but Amanda hadn't txted me to say she ready. So me and Joseph were sitting in the car outsider her house and we could kinda see movement in the window and we realised how freaky and stalkerish we were so we decided to take a ride around the block. Then we got "the" txt saying she was ready so I full of apprehension and dread prepared to begin my ball. So Joseph gave his final peice of advice: Say she looks gorgeous and take the corsage with me to the door.
So I went up to the door and knocked it was a very well I was very worried. So a young pretty girl in a nice dress answered the door. So guessing it was Jenna I said "you must be Jenna" she was Jenna so I told her looked wonderful which she did. Then Amanda stepped out of the living room, and man she looked amazing I mean wow I've always thought she was pretty but man her looked exquisite. She was wearing a black strapless dress with a red Shawl type thing smaller though, over her shoulders. She also had a hand bag in the same red, the cool thing about that was it matched my red tie perfectly. I then gave her, her corsage which was a white flower with red ribbons she was very pleased with it. She also said I looked I then said hi to her mum and brother and then me Amanda and Jenna walked out to the car Amanda reached the car before me so I couldn't open her door for her I did however open Jenna's door for her.
Then we got in the car and I introduced them to Joseph and offered them Champagne they declined. SO then we headed to the Basin to pick up Alex it was a very relaxes and chatty ride, mostly because Amanda and Jenna were like best friends. So we got to the street were Alex was and I couldn't find the flat but I txted Alex and he found us so we got back into the car and the girls were drinking champagne so I had a glass too, I like champagne it much better than bear anyway.
So I introduced everyone to Alex and we went to Hotel to get the key we waited at the door while Alex went in. Then Jenna decided to go after her I decided to stay out with Amanda on the off chance that the lady who cancelled my booking was on and recognised me it was a small chance but no point taking chances.
We put the champagne in my bag as we thought we might not be able to carry it in so I had to hold my bag by the neck of champagne of a champagne bottle. Then we realised that it had been a while and they probably had the key so we went in we calmly strode past reception and found Fra and Dp standing there waiting we asked them if they saw a casual dressed guy and formally dressed woman go past they went that way they said. I informed David that the girl was his partner and they informed us that the other girls had gone to buy things to go swimming in as there was a pool. So we grabbed some bags and went after them. And I pulled out my bottle of champagne and proudly carried it in one hand. Then Alex came back we were on 1st floor room 116. So that's were we headed. We got there and found that another group of Pat's guys were across the hall like the room opposite. I’m not sure who it was but like Brad and Dan and Andy was there and I think Chris might have been.
So anyway we went to hang out in the room so we (that being Fra David me Tim Phillip and partners being in order so they correspond with guy Kerry Jenna Amanda Tara and Rahall (I not sure how you spell it but that is how her name sounds I'll find out and correct it)). It was good and we sat around and drank and hung out and generally had fun. Alex was still with us it was so funny everyone in their ball wear and Alex completely casual looking so out of place. Then everyone started leaving so we said Adieu to Alex and walked to ball. It was good and everyone was in a cheery mood.
Well we got to ball and yeah. We meant to introduce our partners to Tully Mills and Mr Rowan and a whole lot of people she knew them all already some of them better than me. And yeah I guess not much to describe we sat around and mingled then went into Ball room.
Ball was being held in town Hall unless anyone wondering. So we sat at our table and I didn't reach pull out Amanda's chair for her. I think I offered her my coat on way though. Well anyway we decided to do like rules at our table. Amanda's was everyone has to eat their bread I said everyone has to sing some Pink Floyd Francis said everyone has to say a fact. (Full stop in middle of a list ok it late lets just ignore it)Kerry said anytime someone said blue we had to move across one seat, um Phillip said everyone had to tell a joke Rahall said everyone had to try this spread thing that turned out to be mayonnaise and garlic so people began to put that on their bread. I cant remember what David and Jenna said not sure if they said anything well the bread and spread rule got wreaked as someone said blue and we all had to move and Amanda decided we should leave our food. This resulted in people telling waiters they had finished with other people's food crazy times. After one or two more blues everyone got annoyed with it except for me and Amanda. So anytime someone said blue me and Amanda would switch places.
Then we had speeches and awards they were brilliant so funny Rowan man crazy. Such laughs "I was told to write a speech for ball but I thought I might just ramble on for a while instead as it'll probably be more interesting". Dario got the award for best drop out with a WRX the fact that no student really did anything serious really tells a lot about my year fuck I love them. So that went along and we all danced and had photos. It was fun we just mostly danced in groups it was good.
Then ball ended and everyone left we were some of the last to leave cause we decided to dance to "why does love do this to me" which was one of the last songs and Kerry was looking for her corsage. Then they played April Sun in Cuba which I love but Amanda said we had to go :(.
So we began to walk back to hotel. Well for a couple of minuets me and Amanda walked as just the two of us and talked it was one of the greatest moments of the night then someone called out for Amanda and we joined rest of group. David and Hamish came with us. Actually tonnes of people ended up in room. Well of course drinking started in earnest too. Me Amanda and Dave didn't get drunk maybe others did to I don't know hardly anyone seemed wasted I guess Kerry also seemed fine not sure if she drank Tim seemed ok actually but he did drink.
Well I got really despondent their. I was watching Chris and Amanda slow dance in hall then Tara started slow dancing with Bradley and I ended up holding their drinks. That was fun (insert sarcasm). I was honestly sitting there going what is the point of this. Then I went back into room and got annoyed with people and their stupid jokes. All in all I drank one tattoo and half a beer.
Then after much well this is stupid I asked Amanda if we actually planned to go to after ball (I knew we did it wasn't asking it was more hinting) Amanda agreed with my oh so subtle hint as said everyone was finishing their drinks and leaving, Fra was wasted he such a light weight he’d had like 2 or 3 bears and he was mess.
Well we finally left and began walk to after ball at sub nine. Walk was once again fun. At one stage Rahall came up to me and started talking very loudly to me. She then did the whole am I shouting thing and I did my normal talking to drunk patronising thing so she asked me to make sure she wasn't shouting then she grabbed my arm and asked if I would look after her I told her I would so she linked arms with me and walked like that for a while. It was weird but I felt good afterwards. I spent most of my time with Kerry Amanda and Chris he was a mess. They spent most of their time speaking French very confusing then we reached after. It was very rave like. Very crowded dance flood. Really loud music you know the type u can hear. The music was done by a DJ and was just lots of hip hop tracks all run together and messed around with the Dj was pretty good. Well at one stage it really sucked cause we all lost girls so we were all just standing round together then girls found us so we danced with them on dance floor that was good. I didn't fully enjoy it I mean it was ok but I was sinking in and out of depression truth be told. I didn't really like the music and like their this guy Daniel McCaulif or however you spell it and he annoying but ussually I can deal with him but I don't know why he was just real annoying then and he spent like all his time hanging with us I really wanted to hit him. Well I dont know I probably wasn't drunk enough that and I'm not the type of guy who just goes up to a girl and starts dancing real close to her, I did that at one stage but that was when like Rahall grabbed me and pretty much made me dance up against her not that I minded but well whatever.
But in saying all that I still enjoyed bits at least of after ball and was pleased I went. I kinda surprised I didn't drink more but whatever. Anyway I had key to room and at around 3 Amanda and Kerry decided to leave and head back to hotel and get a taxi home. So I had to go with them not that I was complaining much Francis decided to come with us and Alex and Kerry's friend Alex (he in my year so I know him but we don't really hang out) decided to escort us out. Which was actually really useful cause he real big so could part the crowd for us. It was meant to be no pass outs after 3 but since he was part of Ball committee he could come and go as he pleased.
We walked back to hotel and that was good. Kerry got cold so I finally got to be a gentleman and gave her my sweat shirt why is it that girls always look good in guys clothes its crazy. She looked good in it. Both Kerry and Amanda had taken off their shoes so we were moving slowly. Amanda was real sore cause she had a sore back I think she said she had a fracture or something and someone elbowed her in back while we were dancing. Poor thing it looked like it really hurt her. Well anyway we got back to room and opened it and stuff. Then we went to see people next door they were being really loud. But Dan came to talk to us he so cool. So we chatted to Dan for a while they spent hardly anytime or no time at after. But anyway Amanda and Kerry were getting Taxi home I was walking. They seemed surprised at that and slightly worried. They tried to talk me out of it but their was no way I was getting a taxi from town it easy walking distance. It was nice they tried to talk me out of it you know how it is.
Well they got Taxi and I walked with them to it said good bye and they drove off. Then I began walking and ended up with Tim he was pissed off with his partner Tara who was real hot I didn't really get what happened I heard her talking about it a bit but I don't think I got anywhere near full story. Well anyway He only went to Courtney as he was getting taxi so I walked on alone I saw an old boy who asked me how ball was. I also saw Rowan and his partner that was cool. Walking home took a while but it gave me time to think. I got home at like half past four. Dominic who had spent last two days off school sick was still up. So I went to bed at like 5 and fell asleep listening to Floyd I also sent a text to Amanda thanking her for Ball among other things. She said even though I didn't pull out chairs for her I'm still a gentleman :).
Anyway that was ball. Next day I didn't get up until 6ish meaning I spent more than 12 hours in bed. Well this took hours, hope you enjoyed it and I didn't waste too much of your time.
Current mood:  satisfied Current music: Damned - Melody Lee
I should an entry about the ball but not sure if i will. Would anyone care like if i did would anyone read it and comment and be intrested.
And that wasn't a rhetorical question so pray do tell people does anyone want a ball entry.
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Yay ball on Fri it costing a small fortune but i picking it to be worth it. Well i excited.
Current mood: excited Current music: Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit/ We built this city
Sunday, September 3, 2006
1:23AM
Or maybe none of this matters and I just not meant to be happy.
Saturday, September 2, 2006
11:45PM
No one seems to comment here anymore I decided not to care. I'm just gonna keep posting here no matter what. Mei says it because I don't really write stuff that people can comment on well meh this is what I gonna write so who cares if you comment on it. This is what I wanna write therefore I shall I think therefore I am random musings.
Well today was fun got Jps signiture for my 18+ card they lost the first Jp signiture sheet so I had to get it again. I then walked down to Alexandria Park and went to my friends soccer final it was fun. Amanda was there that weas cool so I hanged with Amanda for an hour or two it was good. Apparently I look like a performing seal when I head the ball I don't mind. She has the coolest jacket it like fur lined hood I love fur lined hoods, I really do.
The post office wasn't open when I went there stupid oh well since it wasn't I ended up bumping into Amanda again as I went to Kilbirnie post office after day got a ride with Chris after the game as did Amanda so since I just walked to door and found it was closed I saw her again and said goodbye again what a pointless paragraph.
I lost my ipod on the bus and went to the bus depo to see if they hadn't they didn't. I then went to the libary to study with Thomas as we got a seminar due on Monday and haven't done anything for it. I swear it was due after the ball whatever. I left my bag there. It had my 18+ form ipod chardger cord and a whole lot of tapes I ended up studying at his place as the libary closes early and has my bag.
People are weird Thomas says I always seem to be able to talk to girls and are out going and stuff. Maybe I am guese I am but still I not that good with girls I can ussualy talk to them but I can't always say what I want to them and that more importatnt.
I also realise what Thomas said on Saturday. It was at the half time talk on Firday at hockey he said "Patrcik where are you, your playing really well(or something to that effect)". It was weird when he said "where are you" i thought yeah i keep getting caught out of position I playing badly then he said "you playing really well" or something and I was like what. It didn't make sense the two parts they didn't connect, I got it now though. He was looking for me in our little huddle he was like where are you ahhh there you hey man good game I finally got it. Everyone said I played well I didn't think I played that well but if people say it then, ok whatever I guese i did. Well my next game is 9 next Friday which is when the ball is so unless Ben manages to get it changed or something that was probably my last game for the collage a 2 all draw with Coll kinda dissapointing oh well I guese at least I played well.
I saw Crystal today me and Tom went down to town as I needed to go home so he walked me to town we got satay Kingdom and went to go see if any movies on at Reading we didn't see anything but Crytal was there she used to be in my History Class it was fun. And this girl who catches my bus they were both drunk and happy so was there friend but I don't really know her she wasn't as talkative there was much huggings and talkings it was fun. I kinda had a crush on Crystal last year so fun yay. And some girl who catches my bus we can say hi on monday what joy.
Well um I think that it. Wow long and rambling haha this so not getting comments *points at self* "your weird and emo" *replies to self* "I know, meh" *looks at self weirdly* "you talking to yourself* *sits there* "meh"
Current mood: Not sure it keeps changing Current music: The Jam - Away From The Numbers
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